Dating Site MicroBlog
Dating, what after the first date?
Article by Bruce
Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, is interested in dating. Even if you're married with three kids, a dog and a mortgage you're interested in dating. Dating doesn't have to be about meeting somebody new. It can be about innovative and creative ways to keep the home fires burning, rekindling the flames if the fire's running low or starting a brand new BLAZING relationship that has nothing but the future in its headlights.
A married couple I know in San Francisco has one of the most beautiful and interesting methods I've ever heard of to keep the romance alive in their marriage. They have, every week, 52 weeks a year, a "Wednesday Night Date." Nothing, I mean NOTHING, is allowed to come between these folks and their commitment to each other.
Every Wednesday this couple meets at a restaurant for a leisurely meal. They may go to a movie or a show or a club or even just take a walk. The point isn't what the DO - the point is they do it together.
This couple's Wednesday Night Date keeps their marriage alive and pulsing not because of the activities but because for a couple of hours each and every week, they become the center of each others universe - again. You know, I somehow don't think that they regularly go anyplace after dinner but home - in each others arms.
The key element in all dating is not the activity itself. It's the time taken to carve precious hours out of our busy and hectic days to spend time together doing - well, almost anything. It's the time and the attention that matter, not what you're doing.
Woody Allen in "Play It Again, Sam" has the ex-wife of the hero complaining to him that after their marriage he changed; he was not as charming, as attentive, as gallant and romantic as he had been when they were courting. Woody's hero replies that NOBODY can keep up the pace of courting. Nobody could be THAT charming; it was just too much work.
At least the Wednesday Night Date steps around this problem and returns us, if only for a night, to the days when we were young and free and came together out of choice, not habit.
When couples are newer to each other, a different set of problems arises.
What to do? This is always a problem with a new dating partner. You don't know each other too well, you have no history. Every moment is new and every situation unknown. What do you do together?
The dating instigator feels a particular burden here. You want so badly to provide a fun, good, time for your new friend. This is where what little you do know about your dating partner is a help.
Where did you meet? You could go back if it's a place where both of you feel comfortable and where things go on that you're both into.
If you were introduced by mutual friends, you could call your friend and find out what your partner likes.
If you met through an online dating service, you probably have more than a little information about what your partner likes. They spelled it out on line. Dating under these circumstances should be easier; worst case, you can offer suggestions on line as to what to do. You might even include links to events in your area that you think your partner might enjoy.
If you know each other from work - it's harder. You can only spend so much time talking about your jobs; the point is to get AWAY from work anyway. So where do you take your partner?
The answer is relatively simple. You ASK. Don't assume that you're partner will automatically dig what you do, unless you met on a website devoted to a particular activity.
Don't ask "What do YOU want to do?" Offer suggestions; I thought you might enjoy going to _____. Do you enjoy Peruvian cuisine? I know this wonderful place . . .
In all these cases, the key element remains the same and is often hidden from us.
Success in dating lies in the magic of ATTENTION. Dating is an opportunity to shower someone you're attracted to with lots and lots of attention; to make someone else the center of your world for a while.
I don't know why it is, but it's cool: Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, feels better when someone else is paying [note the word - PAYING] attention to them. Attention is a gift which causes our defenses to relax, the tension to ease and the world to get rosier.
That's what dating is in the final analysis -- organized attention. Pay the attention, it's cheap, it's fun and you can never tell WHAT you'll discover.
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